In a bold move evidencing his fearless leadership and ability to come up with new solutions, Donald J. Trump has selected Cthulhu, High Priest of the Great Old Ones and The Sleeper of R’lyeh, as his running mate.
In this new role, Cthulhu will serve as Donald J. Trump’s right-hand Great Old One through the general election, further strengthening an already exceedingly strong ticket. Regarding the pick, Donald J. Trump stated, “I’ve known Cthulhu for a long time now, he’s so strong, one of the best. Not stronger than me of course, but he’s no Rubio.”
Sources close to Cthulhu describe this new position as further evidence of how the High Priest is trying to bring both darkness and eternal suffering to the masses in ways he had not previously explored.
Sources familiar with the planning say the appointment shows “the role the Sleeper of R’lyeh is playing as the serious person around Trump who is trying to provide some discipline” to his growing organization.
Cthulhu also continues to act as “a conduit between the establishment and Trump” based on Cthulhu’s relationships with Republican elected officials across the country, sources said.